When a Guy Buys You a Drink at the Bar: What He Expects & What You Must Do

Cez & the City: I'll Buy you a Drink! | cezcachanelle

Have you ever been offered a drink by a guy while you’re alone and waiting for someone at a bar? As flattering as it may seem, should you accept a drink from a stranger? Here’s what a guy expects when he buys you that drink.
Should a Girl Accept a Drink from a Stranger?
Last week, a good friend of mine was supposed to meet her boyfriend at a club. When she got there, her boyfriend called and told her he was held up at work, and that he would be there in around an hour’s time. I’ve met him, and I’m quite sure he wasn’t fibbing, and he’s a great guy anyways.

She decided to wait at the bar counter, so she could keep herself busy, watching the drinks flow and the cocktails getting churned.

Twenty minutes into her wait, and the bartender set a peach martini in front of her, and pointed out to a guy sitting in the closest corner of the club. The bartender then smiled and said, “The guy at that table sent this over.” It was the first time a stranger had offered her a drink and she was perplexed.

Not wanting to act snobbish, she just smiled at him, and accepted the drink. No sooner had she taken a sip of the drink, the guy walked up to her and plonked himself in the bar stool next to her.

She was obviously surprised, and just smiled at him. He then began talking and a minute into the conversation, he asked her if she’d like to come over to his table. Not wanting to sound rude, she told the guy that she was really sorry, she couldn’t do that, as she was waiting for her guy who was due any minute. The second he heard this, he just stepped back and snarled “Why the hell did you accept my drink then?” and walked away without a second glance!

When she narrated this to me, I found the whole scenario quite helpless and stupid. Now why do you think a guy would want to buy a girl a drink?

Obviously, to strike up a conversation. My friend told me that she knew that, but didn’t know what to do. But there was just one thing there anyways.

She should have just declined it.

Flirting with a Free Drink

Guys these days have watched a lot of movies where a hotshot buys a girl a drink, and then slides over to her table and eventually ends up taking her to bed. Men dig such thoughts. They want to spin the same damn wheel of fortune. First off, why is it that guys think of nothing but martinis to send over? There are like a million different drinks in the world! Perhaps, it all goes back to Bond here. Martini. Shaken. Not stirred. Whatever.

I think it’s creepy when a guy buys a girl a drink, and then sits in his best damn posture and grins wildly at a girl from across several tables, like she’s supposed to swoon right there. Hello! You chauvinistic pig, we’re working too. We can afford our own drink now. Praise the lord! But yet, men somehow think it’s the coolest act in the world. And quite unfortunately, this new trend that’s sweeping over in our clubs leave most women perplexed and on strange ground. We’ve heard of men walking up, but a drink doing the talking now? Brrr… Hair raising!

The worst part of it all is that the drink’s already been paid for, and it leaves you in a dilemma. Should you accept a drink? And then there’s your internal conflict. “It’s just a drink”, “What if it’s spiked and I get raped on a date!”, “Come on, it would look really stupid to refuse now!”, “Just don’t touch it, dammit!”, “Do I call the bartender back and tell him to return it?”, “Are all the people in the bar looking at me?” “Are they waiting to see what I’ll do?” “Oh no, I shouldn’t have come here!”

What Happens After Accepting the Drink?

If you do accept a drink from a guy you’ve never met before, that’s his cue to walk right over to your table and start a conversation. So take a good look at the guy who offered you the drink. Is he worth it? And most importantly, are you interested in hooking up with some guy? There’s no point in accepting a drink when you’re sure you don’t want to know the guy. He’s just going to walk up to you, and walk away like he’s the one who’s ditched you. No girl really wants that on her ego-file, do you?

I’ve been offered a drink or two in recent times, when I’ve taken a few hours off work to just unwind and clear my mind. And more often than not, I’ve declined the drink. It’s just not worth the hassles. And quite frankly, I wouldn’t want to meet the man of my dreams at a sleazy bar counter. I mean, let’s face it, if not you, there’s always someone else. These guys probably spend the whole day, just skulking in dark hidden corners buying drinks for women until one of them accept to go home with them.

If that’s your idea of prince charming and the white equestrian, go right ahead. You can even gallop on his horsey later in the evening.

Is there anything called a “free” drink in this world? Or for that matter, is there anything free, especially when it comes to guys?

They want to go out on a date, and wait all day for that kiss they hope to get on the doorstep. If they book a motel room on the outskirts of the city after a late night party, they expect you to have sex.

If you tell them you’re not ready, sorry, they’d just sulk and act cranky. So the best deal here is to think clearly before you accept the drink.

A “free” drink is nothing but an exchange, a price guys pay, to have a “free” conversation with you. It’s like a barter they undertake with you. “I buy you the drink, you give me the pleasure of your company.”

Sounds crass, doesn’t it? In most cases, it definitely is, because these drink-buying guys usually come with swollen heads and inflated egoistic confidences. More than just striking a conversation, they want to show all the other guys at the club, how cool they are. And sweetheart, is that measly drink worth the pleasure of your company?

When you swig your free glass of booze, the guy thinks you’re obligated to have a long and winding conversation with him. So let there be no “free” drink story in your dating games, unless you have the same happy ending in mind, a good shag in a few hours.

Should you accept the drink?

When a drink is placed in front of you with the line “The gentleman over there sent this over,” you’ve got less than a few seconds to make your mind up on whether you want to accept his advances or decline. It may put you off balance, but don’t really give a damn about the drink or how expensive it is, even if it is a vintage Petrus Pomerol that costs a small fortune.

Look him straight and ask yourself if you want to know this guy better. Don’t let the free drink and his “sweet” gesture prick your conscience. Another pointer here, when it comes to men, the more expensive the drink, the more he’d expect from you. Gasp!

If you like the guy, nod at the bartender, smile at the guy who sent you the drink, and take a sip. Don’t bother looking at his direction any longer. He’ll probably be next to you before you sip and place the glass down!

If you aren’t convinced about the guy, or if you’re just totally against meeting guys at bars, especially when you’re all alone, then just decline the drink. Wondering how to decline without embarrassing yourself or feeling awkward?

Use the Bartender

You may probably not know this, but bartenders and waiters at swanky restaurants are aware of the fact that men use drinks and bartenders to hook dates up, and they know exactly how to deal with free drinks.

If you don’t want the drink, decline it straight out. You don’t need to feel awkward or embarrassed. It’s the same as telling a guy straight out to “take a walk”. Once you decline, the bartender will take it from there.

And don’t worry, the waiter or bartender will never push you to take the drink. But in a one-off situation at a sleazy bar, if a waiter tries convincing you to accept it (if he’s been paid to do that), ask for the manager. Trust me, the waiter will pick the drink, and tuck tail and run in a blink. But I’ve never come across anyone who’s told me that they had been pressed by the bartender, so don’t worry.

Decline Courteously

At times, courtesy demands that you be polite. You may not be one of the rude snobbish girls who love to slay men, but when you decline, always be firm. If you feel sad for the guy, then ask the bartender to thank the man on your behalf, and also to tell him that you’re already seeing someone and are not interested. After refusing to accept the drink, throwing in an excuse makes you feel a lot better, if you don’t want to hurt a guy’s feelings.

Either ways, he’s not going to get badly offended. These kinds of men at clubs are used to getting walked all over by women, and it would be just another day in the lives of the men who are waiting to lay a woman after meeting her at a bar.

So it’s no big deal, really.

Don’t Ever Compliment the Guy

As much as you’re tempted to say something nice to the guy who’s sent you the drink, stop yourself. Now why would you want to compliment a guy whom you’re not interested in? Saying something like “I’d love to have this drink and get drunk with you, but I’m already seeing someone…” might seem sweet and cute, but to a guy it sounds more like “I have a guy but I don’t mind a one night stand!” And if he’s drunk, it’s going to sound more like “My guy will be here any minute. Can you do it right now, cowboy? You and me, in the loo. Now!”

Remember, this man has already been spurned by you, so he’d take anything positive from you as a complete positive sign. He may just end up pursuing you. Guys just need a reason to stick around and try to stick it in later, and one simple positive comment is enough to have him hounding you again and again, until one of you leave the club.

Make it Clear that you’re not Interested

Men hate taking no for an answer, especially when they’re at a bar or a club. So if you get a free drink, decline it, and tell the bartender you don’t want to hear from him again. The bartender would make sure the guy doesn’t make another move at you again. Bartenders take pride in their work, and a direct request will never ever go unattended.

And once you convey the message, if you’re with friends, focus all your attention on your friends, and let the guy who’s sent you the drink know you’re not one bit interested. If that’s not helping enough, turn your back on him and sit in another seat. He’ll get the hint. Anyways, guys who supply free drinks to women are quite used to getting spurned by women at clubs!

The Moral of the Story of Free Drinks

So the next time you’re out alone or with friends, think twice before you accept that “free” drink. If you do like the guy, have a great time with him, but don’t cave into any commitments or go home with him too soon. It’s not really easy to trust a guy who buys free drinks for women.

On the other hand, if you do accept it, and find him creepy a minute into the conversation, it doesn’t mean you can’t step out. You can still use an excuse and squirm out. Or you can signal to the bartender. And if you decline him straight out, don’t worry, he’ll live!

Just have a great time yourself, or with your pals, and don’t worry about these guys who buy you a drink. Now that you know exactly how to walk away, getting through the next free drink should definitely be a breeze!

P.S. Even if he says, “I have never got a girl a drink before…” and drawls into a cutesy pick up line, remember it’s still that free drink with benefits he’s offering you. And yeah, he’s obviously lying!