attractive young woman on a couch or sofa

Fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman & Extremely Beautiful People Talk About What It’s Like to Be Extremely Beautiful

If you’re a woman who isn’t meeting many men in real life, then this may come down to the fears and feelings modern men experience when they see an attractive woman.

As a dating coach to men and women I see first hand the struggle men have in making an initial connection with the woman they find attractive. In this blog I’m going to share with you:

  • 5 feelings men have when they see a beautiful woman.
  • 3 fears that will stop them from speaking to an attractive woman.
  • How men can change their mindset, to fear rejection less and begin meeting women they’re attracted to in real life.

Additional commentary is provided by Reggie Wade, a writer and social content editor from Brooklyn, New York.

“When a man sees an attractive woman, many things go on inside his head. Some of these things might seem crazy, and some things might seem obvious, but some may surprise some of you ladies. Sometimes being a guy is tough, not as tough as being a woman, but there are some things that men have to deal with that throw them off their game. When it comes to dating, it is a jungle out there, and sometimes guys are their own worst enemy. Most will try their hardest to play it cool, but ultimately these are some fears and feelings men get when they see an attractive woman.” Reggie Wade

1. “WOW!”

When he sees an attractive woman his first thought is probably, WOW!”

“Wow is usually the first thought a man has when he sees an attractive woman. My grandmother always says “There’s no such thing as an ugly woman.” Sure guys may have preferences, but there’s something special, and dare I say magical about women.” Reggie Wade

There are men who want relationships, and others who are purely looking for something casual; however their first reaction to a woman is usually based on her physical beauty. This sounds bad on paper, does this mean men are objectifying women? I don’t think so. Just because a man’s first reaction to a woman is “wow” it doesn’t mean that’s all he sees in her. It’s just the first thing he thinks, that will prompt him to start a conversation with her. This can be increasingly difficult though in a post #metoo, post dating apps, post pandemic era where men feel increasingly unsure if they’re ever allowed to approach women.

My personal take is that regardless of whether you meet her online, or offline, there’s a respectful way to do this, and a not so respectful way. If you’d like to learn more about non-creepy conversation starters you may enjoy this blog about approaching women in real life.

2. “She might be the woman of my dreams”

On seeing an attractive woman he may then think, “She might be the woman of my dreams.”

“After the “wow” stage, things progress rather quickly. We start to imagine how great things would be if we got together. I’m not sure if this is a “me” thing or a guy thing in general but I have spoken to a few guys who have gone through the exact same thing. We men start to imagine EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING. We imagine going on dates, watching movies, having sex, purchasing a home… I may have gone a little too far, but that’s how it works sometimes. Men are extremely visual creatures, so it’s not uncommon for us to look a bit further down the road.” – Reggie Wade

Not all men have such an intense reaction to seeing an attractive woman, however right at the start of dating, men are often full of enthusiasm and energy to get to know a woman they consider to be beautiful. This can cause a hiccup in the dating process between men and women.

At the start of dating when a man is filled with this excitement to get to know a new woman he can come on strong and pursue her for dates. However, fast forward a matter of weeks and he may have cooled off. This isn’t a reaction to something the woman has or hasn’t done. It’s that his initial excitement is now integrating with the reality of getting to know her. As she becomes less mysterious, more attainable, and we’re back on planet earth he may take stock as to whether he really can provide a relationship.

To women this can feel disorientating. However, this adjustment to reality and no longer putting one another on a pedestal is a part of the dating process. Getting to know each other slowly, and not simply taking an initial spark as a guarantee of a future relationship can help keep everyone’s feet on the ground.

3. “I have to become cooler… immediately”

When he sees a beautiful woman he may think, “I have to become cooler immediately.”

“No matter the circumstance, every guy wants to be cool, that increases tenfold when an attractive woman shows up. Guys want to be a mix of David Beckham, Idris Elba and Daniel Craig all rolled into one whenever a beautiful woman is around. We try to stand a little taller and seem uninterested even though we are very interested. But looking interested is not cool. And cool in our minds is what gets the job done. Good looks are great, but nothing beats cool.” – Reggie Wade

Reggie’s insight into how men feel when they see an attractive woman, also sheds light on another dating truth. Whilst we all may strive to be “authentic” when we meet someone we like, this is often unattainable. Instead in those early interactions both people may find themselves putting on a front of what they believe the other person will find attractive, rather that being vulnerable themselves.

The facts are this: in dating no one is invulnerable. Seeing someone we like makes us all nervous… here’s another sneaky peek at how men and women face ‘equal but opposite’ challenges in the world of dating.

A man contemplating his feelings as he speaks to a beautiful woman
Mark had completely lost track of what homework assignment they were working on

4. “What’s she like?”

At some stage after he’s got over the initial “wow” factor of seeing a beautiful woman he may start to question, “What is she like?”

“Whenever a guy sees an attractive woman, he will begin to go down the proverbial rabbit hole. He’ll wonder about every inch of the woman’s being. We wonder about her personality, is she cool? Is she sweet? Is she somewhere in between? What’s her favorite color? What’s her favorite food? And somewhere in there what’s her name? Name it, and we’ve thought about it.” Reggie Wade

At the start of dating men are highly motivated to get to know women. However they may lack the sophisticated social skills to do this elegantly. They may ask her where her handbag is from, when they really want to ask her on a date. They may rush out what they have to say as they fear a pause in the conversation will create awkwardness. They may forget to express to her who they are in the rush to get to know her.

For most men meeting an attractive woman is an exhilarating experience. It will feel physically intense. So it’s worth cutting him some slack if he’s not immediately a smooth talker when he meets you.

5. “Will she go for a guy like me?”

Finally when he meets a woman he’s attracted to his fear may creep in, “Will she go for a guy like me?”

“After we’ve psyched ourselves up, the doubt starts to creep in. “Would she even go for me?” Sadly the answer in many guys’ minds is “No. Of course, she won’t go for a guy like me, look at her, she could have any man she wants, and that’s not me.” This is where the journey ends for too many guys, myself included. We don’t give ourselves a shot. And If we don’t give ourselves a chance, why would a woman?” Reggie Wade

So those are just a few of the many things which go on in a guy’s mind when he sees an attractive woman. This may not be true for every single man, But I would say it’s true for the good portion of men. Society at large puts a lot of pressure on men to be a “Ladies man.” It’s the standard in which many men are judged by. If you’re not smooth with the ladies somehow, you are less of a man. That is why so many rational and irrational fears and feelings go through a guy’s head when he sees a woman he finds attractive.

The woman represents more than herself, she represents the man’s manhood that’s at stake…”

Here comes a real challenge in modern dating: Men don’t feel like they have permission to express their interest to women (it’s sleazy, she will reject him.) Women likewise don’t feel they can communicate their receptivity to men (he’ll judge her negatively for it.) This leads to both men and women experiencing scarcity in their dating lives.

Also notice from Reggie’s quote the pressure men put on themselves when approaching women: It’s not only about whether she’ll accept or reject him, but being successful (or not) at meeting women can be internalized as a statement about his masculinity.

What are 3 other common fears men have when they see a beautiful woman?

1. “I’m going to run out of things to say.”

Men will feel like it’s their role to successfully continue the conversation after they’ve broken the ice. Whilst in reality a good interaction is made of both people contributing, this isn’t how it feels to him. Men will also become preoccupied that they should be more “confident” or more “flirtatious” leaving them feeling inhibited that anything they could offer to the conversation is simply not good enough.

2. “She’s going to reject me.”

Often a woman’s first reaction when a strange man comes up to talk to her is one of slight confusion, ‘why has he started talking to me?’ A woman won’t necessarily assume it’s because the man is attracted to her. The social context of where he says hello may also be confusing, ‘why is this guy approaching me in the supermarket, is he lost??’ Finally she will have to quickly assess whether the man speaking to her represents a physical threat. This means initially her facial expression doesn’t often read as “receptive” meaning the man immediately thinks she’s totally closed off to talking to him. She might actually want to continue the conversation, but will need more information about who he is first.

3. “Everyone’s watching what I’m doing.”

The vast majority of men don’t want to intrude or bother women. He will be concerned if he initiates an interaction that the people around him will judge him negatively. This feeling of social scrutiny adds to the pressure of him starting a conversation.

How can men break this cycle of inaction when they see a woman they’re attracted to?

To begin to find talking to women, natural and easy, the first place to start is a shift in mindset. Whilst as a man you may think, “wow who is she?” you have to work to the mindset that whilst her physical beauty is the reason you’ve noticed her; if there’s not mutual investment, effort and connection from her side that you’d be prepared to walk away. If you’re unsure how to begin to cultivate higher standards for yourself as a man I’d highly recommend checking out my free resource on this.

Secondly, learning how to meet women in real life is a practice that takes time. If you go into an interaction with a beautiful woman thinking, “how do I get her number?” you will place too much pressure on the outcome of the interaction. In fact in all likelihood this pressure will stop you from talking to her full stop. Instead you need to start developing daily habits to make talking to people you don’t know a step by step learning process. Working with me as your dating coach I take pride in helping men (and women!) of all experience levels to learn to meet one another in real life.

Fears & Feelings Men Get When They See An Attractive Woman: FAQs

Do men prefer beauty or brains?

This isn’t an either/ or question. Whilst the reason men will approach a woman is based on physical attraction and desire, in relationships they will seek a much wider array of interpersonal qualities: From humor, to compassion, to emotional support.  Intelligence may not be top of this list in desired qualities for all men. That doesn’t mean men don’t like intelligent women, but they may have a stronger immediate preference for other qualities.

Why do guys stare at a pretty girl?

Staring at a pretty girl can be perceived as creepy; however sometimes this isn’t intended to feel this way. Staring at women you’re attracted to in public spaces will make women feel uncomfortable, and staring in a sexual way is not acceptable. However, if you notice a guy keep glancing over chances are he’s attracted to you, but building up the courage to say hello. Whilst a small minority of men stare in a way that’s predatory, most men will seek to develop eye contact with a woman before they speak to her. This is one of the many ways he’s trying to work out if she’s receptive to speaking to him.

Why do guys avoid eye contact with a woman they’re attracted to?

Feeling attracted to someone can feel intense; and for men and women alike this often means they send an accidental signal of disinterest when they see someone they’re attracted to. If a man avoids eye contact with a woman it may mean “I’m very attracted to you and I don’t know how to cope with this intense feeling,” as much as it could mean, “I’m not interested in talking to you.” Confusing huh?

Can a guy tell a girl that she’s pretty?

Whilst there’s nothing inherently “wrong” with finding a woman attractive, in modern society men have to express this in a way that pays careful attention to the social context. In certain environments like at work, in the gym, or on public transport, this is unlikely to ever be received well. Instead aim to start conversations using an observation about your shared environment, “wow it’s so busy in here today!” Or, “I like how you just sprinted onto that train!” This starts the conversation but in a way that feels less intrusive to her.

Extremely Beautiful People Talk About What It’s Like to Be Extremely Beautiful

Generative ai studio portrait of handsome gorgeous man on color background

“I’ve never had a proper job interview. I usually just have an informal chat and then get offered the job.”

Recently, while standing on a rooftop bar in Lisbon – my face sunburned and sand in my hair after a day on the beach – I looked around to realise that everyone else in this bar was ridiculously beautiful. Every single person there was stunning and stylish in equal measure, and all that physical perfection seemed to come completely natural to everyone there.

Being surrounded by these gorgeous people, who all looked like the “after” to my “before”, made me wonder what it must be like to be incredibly good-looking. Are beautiful people constantly aware of exactly how beautiful they are? Do they ever tire of hearing positive feedback on their looks? On a night out, how many of their drinks do they actually pay for themselves?

In search of answers, I took to social media and asked my friends to point me to the most good-looking people they know – which led me to get in touch with the six beauties below. They helped me understand what life is like when your face is so beautiful it could launch a thousand ships.

Billie*, 28

 

VICE: Hi Billie, you are absolutely gorgeous.
Billie: Yes, I know. But the truth is, like everybody else, there’s a lot I would change about myself. And I realise I shouldn’t think that way – I should be grateful for my looks. It’s true though, there are a lot of advantages to being good-looking. I work in hospitality and I often get huge tips, or guys offering to buy me drinks.

Do your friends ever get jealous when you get all the attention?
Yes, I do get that impression sometimes. So I always feel guilty on nights out when men talk to me but ignore my friends. I do try to brush off guys who do that. What also happens is that when I tell my friends they look great, they don’t think I’m being serious.

Is it true that people take you less seriously because they don’t expect you to have brains?
Absolutely. When men strike up a conversation with me, they mostly talk about how beautiful I am, instead of asking about my interests. It’s always the same – when you’re good-looking you’re only judged on your appearance. People sometimes forget we have a personality lurking underneath.

Emil, 32

 

VICE: Do you think life is easier when you’re extremely attractive?
Emil: Yes, studies have proven that physically beautiful people are better liked. But on the other hand, people often assume I’m arrogant. They’ll tell me they can’t figure me out because I’m rather socially awkward, and they think that with the way I look, I should be more confident.

Have you ever noticed people getting nervous around you because of your looks?
I used to have a colleague who would suddenly start dropping things – plates, cups, pens – whenever she was around me.

When did you realise you were handsome?
My mother always told me I was handsome, but every mum says that about her son, so I didn’t take that very seriously. It took a whole year of working as a model before I started believing it. But it’s not something I really think about – it’s pretty normal to me that women on the street smile at me. But maybe that isn’t normal at all, I wouldn’t know. Do you get a lot of free stuff?
No, unfortunately not. This probably sounds sexist, but I think women are generally better at flirting their way to free things.

Nina, 23

 

VICE: Do you think very attractive people are generally happier?
Nina: Well, being good-looking can be very useful. I’ve never had a proper job interview, for example. I usually just have an informal chat and then get offered the job. I also notice that it’s easier for me to get away with shit than it is for others. When I misbehave in a club – standing on the bar, pouring my own beer from the tap – I never get thrown out. And people are always really nice to me – I don’t have to work that hard to make friends.

So would you say you’re very confident?
No, not really. I know I look hot, but it’s not as if I just stare at myself all day. Some days, especially if I’ve had a bad night’s sleep, I think I look like shit.

But come on, the rest of us would probably kill to look the way you look on a shitty hair day.
I don’t think I’m crazy gorgeous. I used to work as a model, but it made me feel quite uncomfortable because the industry is so superficial. Being good-looking doesn’t only have benefits, you know. People are often intimidated by you, or they assume you’re arrogant.

Peter, 37

 

VICE: Are you afraid of losing your looks when you get older?
Peter: Yes, absolutely. I used to be a professional dancer, so my looks played a big part in my career. When you’re young and pretty, everything seems possible. As you get older, that definitely changes. Have you ever taken advantage of the fact that you’re fit?
Well, I can be quite charming if I want to get something done. A while back, for example, a friend of mine was nominated for GQ’s Man of the Year Award in the Netherlands. He didn’t win, so to make up for that disappointment, he and I used our looks and charm to convince the girl in charge of the goodie bags to give us about a dozen of those bags to take home.

Do you get asked out on dates all the time?
Yes, quite often. But I think that also has to do with the fact that I’m a performer. People come up to me thinking they know me, because they saw me on stage once. That can be weird.

Luca, 21

 

 How amazing is it to be so beautiful?

Luca: It’s not always fun – quite often people will just stare at me, making me extremely uncomfortable. And they love to assume that I’m really dumb.

Do random people ever come up to you just to give you a compliment?
Yeah, it does happen. I often get compliments on my freckles or my hair – which is really lovely, but it does get tiring. It would be great if people asked about my job or my interests sometimes.

Can you take anybody you like home?
I can’t complain. Sometimes I just want sex, like everyone else. But at a certain point, random hook-ups start to feel a bit meaningless. And when people who I don’t like come on to me, I have to turn them down. That’s not fun.

If I were extremely attractive, I think my favourite thing would be all the free goodies – all the stuff PRs send because they want their products to be seen with you.
True, that is a nice perk. I get free clothes and other products sent to me, which I then feature on my Instagram.

Dyllan, 21

 

VICE: Do you think life is easier when you’re good-looking?
Dyllan: No, life is hard either way. I honestly don’t think it matters how fit you are, in the end.

So you’re not worried your life will be harder when you get older and become less of a looker?
Not really, no. And I’m not scared of losing my looks in general, because the saying is “black don’t crack”, right? Apart from the occasional haircut, I don’t spend much time on my appearance, and I don’t think that’ll change anytime soon.

Are people less interested in your personality after seeing your beautiful face?
Yes, and that does bother me a bit. A lot of people don’t realise I have brains. They’re actually very surprised when I tell them I’m a really good student.