Subtle Signs You're A Jerk Magnet

17 Subtle Signs You’re A Jerk Magnet, And The Guy You’re Dating Won’t Change

As you swipe left and right on Tinder, and weed through some seriously *cringeworthy* pickup lines, you can’t help but wonder, “What gives?”

The dating world can be stressful at times, even when you embrace it with a positive, open attitude.

But it seems as though, any which way you go about it, you CANNOT. STOP. ATTRACTING. ALL the assholes of the world.

You have an insatiable desire to fix these guys, and you never stop to realize a relationship is healthiest when the two of you don’t need to fix each other.

Here are 17 subtle signs you might just be a jerk magnet, and the guy you’re dating will never change.

You deserve way better, and hopefully, you’ll be able to call out the next jerk from the get-go when he slides his way into your DMs, and your life.

1. You hold onto him and try to convince yourself he’ll change.

2. You ignore that little voice telling you something’s fishy AF when he leaves you hanging mid-convo on a Saturday night.

3. You may mistake his constant flirting and sweet compliments for him being genuine. But in hindsight, he’s never really made an effort to get to know you at all.

4. You downplay the fact he never takes you out on real dates. He’ll buy you drinks at the bar, and he’ll always hit you up to “hang out,” but not much more than that.

5. You have a soft spot for him, and you tend to put cover-up over every red flag.

6. You text him because you’re excited to, and he texts you when he’s in the mood.

7. You rarely sway from dating the “type” of guy you’re attracted to, and he’s no exception.

8. He started to call you “babe” right off the bat, and even though it was way too early for him to call you that, you were kind of digging it (and you still do).

9. He *calculatingly* spaces his texting out throughout the week. He’s not consistent, nor does he want to be. But, you’re sure he just got caught up at work again, right?

10. He’ll make last-minute plans all the time, and you always chalk it up to him being a spontaneous soul.

11. He never calls you, because texting is how he rolls.

12. You don’t give the nice guys a shot, because you don’t think they’ll float your boat like he does.

13. He gets quiet for a couple of days, then drops a like on your Instagram post — a little breadcrumb to keep you interested. You hate to admit you are.

14. He may not be motivated in his current job, and he doesn’t make moves for a change.

15. He never asks if you’re talking to or seeing anyone else, even though you asked him if he was.

16. He’ll go a week without making plans. Then, he’ll text you out of the blue with a casual, “What’s up, want to hang out?”

17. He’ll put the blame on you. If you say, “Hey stranger, haven’t heard from you,” he’ll respond with an oh-so-innocent, “I haven’t heard from you either, babe!”

MORE! Here are five truthful reasons why you always attract jerks.
1. You don’t like what you see in the mirror.
Relationship authors (including myself) bang on and on about self-confidence. “Self-confidence is sexy” and “confident people draw the opposite sex like moths to a flame,” they say. Or “love yourself so other people will too!”

I don’t have to tell you that someone who is unhappy with themselves gives off a whole different vibe than someone who feels confident and worthy. But how do you become happy with yourself if you just aren’t?

Change, baby. If you are upset about some aspect of your appearance, emotional life, job, family, or anything else, do the work to change it.

Work on building your confidence. Work on letting your past go so that you can move happily into a fresh and clean future. Time and energy spent on self-improvement is always worth it — after all, that’s why you are here, right?

2. You’re not happy and you make sure everyone knows it.
People who can’t stand to be alone tend to either stay in bad relationships for too long or jump from one long-term relationship to another.

When you know that being single can be wonderful, you always have a positive alternative to clinging to a miserable relationship. Your relationships take on more of a casual, happy vibe. You attract happier people.

The reason is that mates can subconsciously sense that if things go pear-shaped in your relationship, you will not settle for being miserable with them. Either you will do the work to improve the relationship or make the hard decisions.

This is attractive because, first, it makes it clear that you have standards and second that they won’t get stuck with someone who clings to them just because they are terrified of being alone.

3. You have low (or no) dating standards.
Are your standards along the lines of “if they’re breathing, we’re mating?” No one would really want to admit that their criteria for a suitable mate are so rock bottom, but in practice, so many great people sell themselves short.

It’s like they start putting on their rose-colored glasses during the first date. They say things to themselves like “Well he was pretty mean to the waiter and I have doubts about his life ambition but wow, he’s hot!” or “I’m not really attracted to her, but she is so smart!”

The kind of behavior you accept at the beginning of your relationship is the kind of behavior that you will continue to receive.

Don’t show up to a fast food joint and expect it to morph into something gourmet. Don’t date people who you would love to change.

Cultivate the idea that your love is a prize to be won rather than something you should just give out to anyone. Make the decision now to stop looking at yourself as flawed for not being in a relationship and start viewing yourself as “discerning.”

Make yourself a list of the top five things that you want in a mate and look for people who embody those qualities. Then stick to it! Online dating in particular is a good way to screen in advance for qualities that you are looking for.

 

4. You let people walk all over you.
Never, ever be afraid that demanding respect from your partner will drive them away. You deserve to be treated well.

When you speak up about feeling hurt or disrespected in an honest and authentic way, either the relationship will end or they will come around. If you were being treated poorly, what did you lose? Speaking up is the first step.

Do not put up with things that you shouldn’t. Do not let a relationship limp along with your significant other behaving badly, while you hope to create change using telepathy. Address issues as they come up. If you allow yourself to be treated poorly, you will continue to be treated poorly.

5. You are blind to what’s good for you.
As the old adage goes, “if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.” Since I just got done telling you that your standards are too low and to raise those, it’s easy to think, “Well, what the heck, Elizabeth? Now you’re telling me that when Prince/Princess Charming finally shows up, I should be wary?”